Friday, April 3, 2009
The big FAT day of TEARS!!!
So, now that I am into my fourth month, I had it... The day that I had been dreading and knew that it would come. The day that I realized that the gut that I worked SO hard to get rid of, was coming back, in FULL force. Now, I KNOW that there is a baby inside of there, but mentally, it was a serious issue for me! It all started last Saturday morning when I finished getting ready for the day, which is kinda an oxy moron because I thought I actually looked really cute when I got finished. I walked upstairs into the kitchen and when I got to the top of the stairs, it seriously took me about 2 whole minutes to catch my breath... from walking up the stairs. It made me feel as if I had gained 50 pounds overnight and all of the extra was making it SUPER hard for me to breath! Danny said, "what is wrong?" In reply, trying not to let me think about it, I just said, "I just can't catch my breath.." A little bit later, we sat at the table to have a sandwich for lunch before we took the girls to the movies. Kam was sitting where I normally sit, so I decided to sit in her chair... which might I add is pushed up against the wall... then she can't tip over. It is a small space granted, and it is usually hard for me to squeeze in there, BUT I CAN!!! Well, that day, I got myself in, and couldn't get myself out. Trying to smile and laugh it off, but inside... KILLING ME!!! Right after lunch we loaded into the car and went to the theatre. When we got there Kam and I went in to find our seats, Danny and Kadee went to get a drink and some popcorn. When they got into the theatre, the movie was about to start. They got into their seats and we dished out popcorn to the kids and got them all set for the movie to start. I put my hand into the bucket to grab a handful, which I had been CRAVING, and took a bite. There was no butter on it! Come on people, as bad as it is for you, it is the best part of the popcorn. I leaned over to Danny and said, "there isn't even any butter on it." Which his reply to was, " look at it, it is yellow. There is tons of butter on it. Not all of us drink butter." And then I totally lost it. I know he was totally just giving me crap, meant absolutely NOTHING by it, but honestly, it was the last straw that day. Well, needless to say, I started to cry, and I cried and cried and cried... like for 45 minutes. I could have cared less about the stupid movie. I was not eating one kernel of that damn popcorn or eating ANY of the candy we had smuggled in the bag. I felt like a 400 pound blob sitting there. Well, Danny felt so bad... kept leaning over telling me how much he loved me, which only made me cry yet again. After the movie was over we ran an errand and came home. I had to go to the Young Women General Broadcast that night and when I went to leave Danny walked me out to the car. He asked me again what was wrong today and I started to cry and told him I would talk to him about it when I got home. After the meeting when I came in the house, he had the girls in bed and had lit candles all down the stairs to our bedroom, candles all over in our bedroom and he was waiting for me. He told me how beautiful I was and that he was sorry he had not been more sensitive to how I was feeling. Is he the best husband in the world or what?! When I asked him how he knew what was wrong, he told me that he had put the events of the day together and figured it out. Guys, I KNOW there is a baby in there. I actually have not gained 1 pound! I am actually 2 pounds under since I got pregnant... all that puking will do that. What is my issue. Honestly... I have got to get over it. Did any of you go through this? How do I make myself ok with the growing belly? Maybe once I have my ultrasound it will go away... It better cause I am only 4 months and this thing is only going to get ALOT bigger. Am I crazy?!?
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6 comments:
Oh, my dear sister! I do remember those days (plural). It will get better. Right now is the worst stage because you just feel like you are growing, but you can't really feel it moving or anything to make it seem REALLY real. Wait until you feel it move and it starts to get harder....you will feel much better about everything. By the way, you were right, it is going to get much bigger. Not to worry - this, too, shall pass! I love you!
Yes Jen, you are crazy!! : ) You make me giggle, cuz you have to remember, hormones are horrible while your pregnant and for awhile afterwards. Have you ever seen me cry? NO, cuz i don't, until i'm pregnant then I can cry watching little house on the prairie, it's pathetic; ) As for the belly, I think the first part, when you just start to show is hard, because you do just feel fat and people can't tell you are pregnant, just gaining weight. It's way fun, ok, not way fun, but i enjoy it once i actually look pregnant and not just fat. Especially once that baby starts moving, it's the coolest thing there is. Hang in there, you are very normal. Yeah, guys definitely get the easy job: ) Just be happy you have such a wonderful Hubby! Jason would never do that, he would just ignore me. Hope you are feeling better! liz
ps. what the heck! not coming to see me while you were in Logan! : )
Jen, I totally feel your pain. I remember going through those days and doing those exact same things. I am with the other two posts. This will pass, and soon you will not feel big, you will feel a baby in that cute belly, and it is the best feeling ever. As you go through it, you do have a great husband, and you are indeed beautiful. You are only seeing it from the wrong direction. I am so excited for you and your sweet family. Keep us posted on your next appointment and on the ultrasound. You are already an outstanding mom! keep it up!!
Don't worry I felt the same way. But looking back I sort of miss that belly.
here is the good news, if you nurse for a year you'll lose WAY more than you gained!!! i remember feeling the same way....haha which is why i gained 13 pounds by 12 weeks. i wanted to get on with it and move onto the cute pregnant belly;-) i was religous about nursing for the first year and i am 20 pounds less than when i actually got pregnant. little gift from god, that's what i call it;-) i think every woman goes through this though. i felt better when i actually looked like the pregnant belly i imagined, not just the halfway point where i wasn't my norm but wasn't looking cute pregnant either. my recommendation? eat what you body wants, stop when you're full, and don't worry about the tummy b/c god loves us women and gave us a fabulous way to get it all off and then some after we deliver the beautiful babes into the world. seriously, it's amazing. the one thing i had to tell myself is that i wasn't fat, i was pregnant and DANG IT THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE;-) lol
Jen- You are a hoot. I know how you feel though. I think 16-24 weeks is the hardest time because you are not really looking pregnant, just round. Regular clothes make you look like you've "let yourself go" and prego clothes are still too big. After your ultrasound reality will hit that there's more to your growing belly...there's a human being in there! Then you'll start feeling the little one move around and not focus on how you look but the amazing miracle that is developing. I am so excited for you! I can't wait to find out what you are having! Our little girl is due in 10 days and we STILL don't have a name! Sorry for the long comment. Pregnancy really is such a great experience! Enjoy it while it lasts...9 months really flies!
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